Validation- Always or Selective?

This writeup has been pending in my drafts, I was thinking of re-editing and making it crisper, but then it didn’t happen. So, I thought to put it as it is and come up with a second version later. Happy Reading!!

Remember the functionality of MS Excel in Data Tab: Data Validation- wherein the author puts checks and balances, defines conditions to ensure the results don't trigger errors. What does that functionality do to us? Essentially, that puts us in a controlling position wherein we define the probable values in that cell, which ultimately the user has to conform to run the subsequent data model. All we want is the right outcome. The good part is how casually we take the validation part as a given rule. But, what surprised me is that this outcome-driven approach and validation isn’t restricted only to work and instead has turned around the way of leading life.

Confused? Take a moment and think! We are frequently in doubt and unsure of what we do, and that's why we run back to our circles to seek validation. You know, the other day, I was attending a session on content marketing with Tanmay Bhat. He was detailing a crazy behavioral trait. These days, the content creators, instead of focusing on the content, are more focused on how to market the content, what time the content should be up on the media channels. And when they don't get the desired results, they blame the analytics for not boosting their content. This constant buzzing on getting approval from a third-person often deviates us from the main objective and path. Approval from someone who doesn't even know what we have done and how much time we have spent was somewhere agitating me.

The consultant in me grew, and I started looking for the root causes. Interestingly, as human nature, we hate seeking approvals and want to be our boss, always like to be in authority with the freedom to make decisions. But this behavior takes the last seat when we are in some dilemma or want someone to stand by us and support us to reignite the hidden confidence. The other time we run for opinion is when things and events are not working in our favor and whatever we are doing isn’t reaping the desired fruits. So, to hide our failures, we weave a story or blame some external factor.

I realized that I have also done that; sometimes, I have looked for external reasons to satisfy my actions when things turn out of the way. Over time, my peers have misunderstood me and given an unfavorable response; then, I used to do what I feel right regardless of what others think. And astonishingly, that moment was life-changing in my life. I started deriving satisfaction and even the courage to face the consequences of my actions. I realized everyone could make errors, and it's okay to commit and learn from them. There have been times when other’s advice has done more harm than aiding us. The recent events made me think and question myself, ‘Why do we turn up and seek validation from others in the first place?’

Maybe to safeguard ourselves from future undesired outcomes, or if things go haywire, we have someone to transfer the blame/ responsibility on. And all this is for some mental peace and satisfaction. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I have always felt that owning up to your mistakes helps you learn and leaves a positive mark on your mind. The next time a similar situation appears in front of you, you would smile and deal with it in the best possible manner. If we remove this barrier of not making errors, we would not need constant validation from others, and in case we do, the rule of the game would be pretty straightforward- We are responsible for our actions and not others.

Last bit on this piece and hopefully another worth mentioning point is that whenever we face such dilemmas, we turn our backs to our peers for the primary reason that they would better understand the situation. And we forget to include the set of people who might get bothered by our attempts. Oh yes: Family is where I am trying to draw your attention. We think that we are different from what our parents have gone through, but trust me, no one can give a piece of better advice than them. Since then, I have started routing my validation problem to this crazy duo. I realized that they never give advice but drop the hints of possible directions I can take along with the unconditional support to choose the path that I think fits well. They don’t overburden us with ifs and buts; instead, they make us calm and let us hop onto the bus we feel is right for us! Life seems so simple when the steering wheel is in your hands, and no fear of setback is lurking in your mind.

What is your take on seeking validation now? Always or Selective?